KNOCKED UP (Universal 2007) Universal Home Video

Judd Apatow has made a career telling little stories about grotesque caricatures of the hapless, dumb male – so morbidly uncouth, and unjustly celebrated as such – that to infer his movies have even a morsel of human dignity is about as truthful as suggesting one seek holy communion from the anti-Christ. I really am at a loss to explain Apatow’s appeal with audiences, his movies made by and for the amusement of absolute idiots. Indeed, I would have more respect for Apatow if I sincerely thought he believed in the low-to-no-brow antics of his protagonists as representing a cross-section of the population as yet alive – if not altogether ‘well’ – and roiling for attention on the movie screen. But no, Apatow just seems to be interested in making a buck, regardless of the filth he peddles, rather cheaply, as art.  What Apatow produces cannot even be devalued along the same lines as excrement gleaned from snuff films and porn. Because at their core, Apatow’s movies appeal to the youth market as an acceptable degradation of humanity, reduced to our most base, even debased denomination. Apatow’s morass is perverted to elicit that wheezing gasp in faux shock and incredulity; that someone, somewhere has finally figured out a way to film the act of one man farting into another man’s pillow, deliberately to give him pink eye.  

His total contempt for humans, committing inhumane acts upon their fellow beings is, frankly, not only insulting to our collective intelligence – even of the below-average grade – but a thoroughly abysmal fail as to what Apatow mundanely struggles to grasp as ‘comedy’. The socially-stunted adolescence on tap in his movies must rank as the absolute bottom of the barrel, achieving scabby-eyed success from the puss and mucus of dirty little thoughts, loosely strung together, but that no self-respecting adult male, much less one considering himself an auteur, and given half the opportunities Apatow has had to tell these sorts of stories, would have regaled to the world with a straight face, without being preceded by a heavy disclaimer and a battery of prescriptions to knock out an obstinate case of sexually-transmitted diseases. Apatow is therefore ‘the joke’ – and a very bad one at that! In 2007’s Knocked Up, he asks, “What would you do if you became pregnant by an oversexed bong-snorting gross pig of a human being after one drunken night of bar-hopping debauchery?” Yet, what follows is not a response to the query, but a rather mindlessly numb and indoctrinating, severely cliched and socially strained, weak-premised regurgitation of that careworn 'what if' and 'day after' scenario.

Knocked Up is populated by thoughtless/clueless individuals who would not be able to discover their own navels with their own two hands and a compass. Apatow is as primary in his objectives as painfully obvious in his execution as any of the twenty-somethings ‘actors who appear herein, and whose alter egos sincerely should never become parents. The movie stars Seth Rogen whose movie career thus far has been bent on a verve for playing mostly simple-minded goons without even a crust of opportunity, or, in fact, desire to improve themselves. In any other generation, Rogen’s ‘talents’ would not have been allowed to graduate beyond even a competent career as a C-grade, D-listed repository for human filth outside of a snuff movie. Today, however, he gets celebrated within the pantheon of what passes for liberal-minded Hollywood ‘artistes’, appearing to popular effect in movies as meaningless as their titles: Superbad (2007), Pineapple Express, Zack and Mira Make A Porno (both in 2008), and Sausage Party (2016). I’ll not waste another moment here on Rogen, whose status and cache within the industry is an embarrassment – not only to human decency, but human intelligence, such as it is, and, continues to be dumbed down by such Hollywood-ized drivel.

Knocked Up’s premise is such: Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl) a career-minded woman with a lucrative promotion on E! and is living in a pool house with her sister, Debbie's (Leslie Mann) family. Ben Stone (Rogen) is the antithesis of this go-getting/strong-minded female, living off medical compensation funds for an injury. He also sporadically works as a commentator on a celebrity porn site with his roommates when he is not busy frying a few brain cells on marijuana or killing time at Knott's Berry Farm. While celebrating her promotion, Alison meets Ben at a local nightclub. After a night of drinking, they predictably have sex. Due to a misunderstanding, the couple forgoes taking the appropriate measures to avoid…well…you know. After the buzz and bloom of distasteful one-nighter sex has worn off, Alison realizes what a colossal error in judgement she has made. Ben is, in fact, visibly upset.  After all, Alison is likely the most ‘put together’ woman he has ever taken to bed. Perhaps, she is the only woman, for a very long time!  Eight weeks pass and – surprise – Alison beings to experience morning sickness during an interview with James Franco. Recognizing the tell-tale signs of pregnancy, Alison contacts Ben. Rather predictably running true to form and denying paternity, Ben eventually warms to the idea of becoming a father and promises to support Alison through her difficult time. Ben’s dad (Harold Ramis) is elated. But Alison's mother (Joanna Kerns) does everything in her power to persuade Alison to have an abortion. Instead, Alison reluctantly decides to keep the child.

Recognizing being a single parent will not be easy, Alison elects to give Ben every opportunity to step up to the plate and be involved in a serious relationship. Problem: Ben does not know what that is! Instead, he makes a horrendously awkward marriage proposal with an empty ring box, promising to buy one ‘someday’. Meanwhile, Alison is more concerned about hiding her pregnancy from her bosses, believing they will terminate her employment if they find out. Predictably, tensions surface in the relationship. After all, Ben is not ‘husband material’. Naturally, this flusters Alison who has already begun to have serious doubts about the longevity of their relationship. Oh, now she’s thinking about it?!? And Alison has reason to worry, knowing her sister, Debbie is in a very unhappy marriage; her hubby, Pete (Paul Rudd) although a scout for rock bands, leaving her alone at all hours of the night – perhaps, even having an affair. Eventually, Debbie and Pete separation. Ben’s general lack of empathy here, creates friction as he and Alison drive to her doctor. Deeply wounded, Alison kicks Ben out in the middle of the street before driving off. Nevertheless, he tracks her down. They argue and breakup. Defiantly determined to rid himself of her memory Ben accepts Pete’s invitation to go on a road trip to Las Vegas.

Indulging in psychedelic mushrooms, both men realize their mistakes and decide to accept responsibility in their relationships. Meanwhile, Debbie drags a timid Alison out for what is described as a liberating pub crawl. Alas, the girls are refused admission to one of the more upscale nightclubs by its apologetic bouncer who has been instructed to pre-screen potential party-goers according to age and single-ness. Realizing that their time for such mindless carousing has past, Debbie reconciles with Pete at their daughter’s birthday party. Alas, when Ben tries to broker a similar peace with Alison, he quickly discovers she has moved on and wants absolutely nothing to do with him. At work, Alison's bosses, having found out about her pregnancy, see it as an opportunity to boost ratings with female viewers by having Alison interview pregnant celebrities. Meanwhile, to prove he can be responsible, Ben makes several life-altering decisions, like moving out of his friends’ house and getting an office job as a web designer. He also adds a baby’s room to his new apartment. When Alison goes into labor and is unable to contact her doctor, she calls Ben. During labor, Alison apologizes for doubting Ben's commitment. When Debbie insists that she be the one to coach her sister through her pregnancy, Ben instead takes charge. At once furious, Debbie is suddenly impressed by Ben and begins to reform her negative opinion about him. Alison gives birth to a healthy baby girl and she and Ben settle down in a new apartment.

Knocked Up is a movie that most any first-year aspiring college student studying screenwriting could have ostensibly penned while sitting on the can.  Aside: I am not entirely certain the toilet did not play a part in Apatow’s verve for bathroom humor herein. But I digress. The plot is so predictable even a coma patient could decipher it. Clearly, Apatow’s modus operandi is meant to shock and repulse with his diatribes in angry, gross-out humor. Yet, even in this most basic ambition, Knocked Up overplays its hand in the first five minutes. Lest we forget, that ‘funny’ and ‘crude’ do not necessarily go penis into condom. Dirty jokes can be funny. But not when they are dispatched so easily as to instantly curdle the humor into a sort of belligerent ‘curse’ show. In the final analysis, Knocked Up gets an 'F'. It doesn't stand for 'fantastic' or that other 'F-word', just 'flat', 'flaccid' and 'forgettable'! This movie is a Frisbee. Fling it into the trash where it belongs. After seeing it once I hope never to see it again. I am sincerely trying to forget about it now.

Universal Home Video’s transfer is adequate, but not outstanding. Although the image can appear sharp with bright colors, it’s not quite as punchy as expected. Flesh tones particularly seem pasty and flat. There is also a digitally harsh look to certain scenes; pronounced gritty and not very smooth. Contrast levels are adequately rendered. Edge enhancement is detected in several scenes. The audio is 5.1 Dolby Digital and aggressive enough to encompass and sustain the abrasive dialogue. Extras include a litany of deleted/extended scenes, a guide to all the one-line crotch humor and an audio commentary from Apatow that, I must confess after seeing the film, I had zero interest to indulge.

FILM RATING (out of 5 – 5 being the best)

0

VIDEO/AUDIO

3.5

EXTRAS

2.5